How He Loves

“Through this frustrating period…you know in my anger, in my resentment and in my frustration He could still love me through that. And in this process…He could love me through that and He was okay. He wasn’t offended that I was angry at God.”

This morning I woke up late for the second time this week and I barely made it to a test (which I felt very unprepared for). It was one of those mornings when it seemed like every little stupid thing was going wrong and and my sleep deprived self was not handling it well. I went and took the test and walked back to my car, locked the doors and sat there…pretty angry. I turned on my iPod and turned the music up really loud and the first song that came on was “How He Loves”. I honestly was having one of those mornings where I just wanted very loud rock music that people were gonna hear blasting when they walked by my car and “How He Loves” was most definitely not that. I stopped myself from skipping over it, for whatever reason, and listened to the whole song (also something I rarely do) I sat there and realized how frustrated I was and how the furthest thing from my mind this morning was how much God loves me. I realized that this morning was one of those mornings when I pretend God isn’t around to hear or see me cause I would be embarrassed about how I was handling my current situation. But hearing this song this morning got me to a place where I could drive myself back home and start to change my attitude.

Last night at church we sang this song and my friend Sarah leaned over and told me I had to go watch the video about why John Mark McMillan wrote the song. I told her I would but didn’t think much about it again until today when I got home. I sat here and watched the video a couple of times in a row. It honestly was one of those “Okay God I get it” moments but it was one I definitely needed to have! I needed to realize in the stress and frustration of the past few months and this semester God hasn’t left me hanging. He has seen me screw it up and throw my little fits when things are going the way I want. He has heard me get angry when my alarm doesn’t go off. He has watched me frantically run around me room throwing stuff around trying to get to class in less than 30 minutes (and probably laughed at me a little bit ) He doesn’t leave me alone when I stop to pray and have no clue what to even say. He doesn’t get mad when I ask him why things have happened like they have. He doesn’t walk away…even in the moments when I am trying my hardest to live life on my own thinking I am strong enough without his help. He is always there when I realize I was wrong and desperately need him.

He hasn’t stopped loving me…and today I am unbelievably grateful for that! It may be “messy and gross” at times but His love is a perfect and unconditional love and I couldn’t be more thankful that I serve a God who wants to stick around for the messy and gross.

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